Reducing NYC stress and increasing quality time

My fiancé and I have a lot of the typical NYC daily stress factors - we live in Brooklyn and our daily commute to work can total 1.5 hours to 3 hours depending on our train karma. We both work hard at our jobs and usually have to run errands or do chores (grocery shopping, laundry, washing dishes, etc...) after we get home from work. This leads us to both be cranky and tired at the end of the day. And we have fallen into a bad habit of unwinding/relaxing/eating dinner in front of the television.

And even as I write this post, I'm thinking how I should know better than to have this kind of bad habit. It is just a weakness that we have (it is more me than my fiancé who is better about turning off the tv). I tend to think way too much and tv is easy way for me to stop thinking about all the stuff that happened that day or stuff I should have accomplished but didn't. It has gotten worse since I got a laptop and this allows me to check my email and do work/school/blog related things with the news on in the background (I have a news-addiction at the moment with the presidential election).

I know tv-watching is "bad". I have "improved" my tv watching by getting a DVR (digital video recorder - it is like "tivo") so I only watch what I want and don't have to deal with commercials. I have considered, but have decided not to throw out my tv. That might be the right choice for some people. And maybe it is something I would do some day. But it is not my style - I like things in moderation. And I think that is what has happened as of late - my tv watching is no longer being done in moderation. As my stress levels have gone up, so has my tv watching.

But it has started to catch up with me. I noticed a couple of weeks ago that having the tv on and not having quiet time is increasing my stress instead of reducing it. My fiancé and I aren't taking the time to check in with each other and talk about how our day went. It wouldn't be too bad if it wasn't for the fact that we have been so busy this summer with traveling or having visitors from out-of-town, etc... that we don't get to have quality time on the weekends then either.

So he and I finally had a talk last night after realizing that both of us have been in a funk. We are trying to solve it with a two-pronged approach: 1) find out what causes us daily stress and annoyance that we can possibly change and 2) finding different coping mechanisms for the daily stress. This is what we came up with as a starting point:

• No more eating dinner in front of the tv (particularly when we are both home).
• Instead of watching tv to relax, we are going to go for a walk around the neighborhood. It will give us a chance to unwind and talk about how (badly) our day went.
• I have moved my laptop into my "office" area. No more "multi-tasking" with the laptop and the tv.
• My fiancé is going to try taking the local train home instead of the express train. It may take longer but he may be able to sit and read a book instead of getting irritated about being crammed into the "faster" train with other cranky commuters.

What do you do in order to deal with the stress of living in NYC? what are the bad habits and good habits that you have learned to cope? Post your response here.

Exciting upcoming lecture with Simran Sethi

The InterDependence Project has an exciting lecture series called "Sit Down Rise Up." I am really looking forward to the guest lecture by Simran Sethi. She is an eco-journalist focusing on social and environmental sustainability. I have previously seen her on Sundance's the Green.

When: Wednesday August 27, 2008
Time: 7 - 9 pm
Where: Lila Center - 302 Bowery @ Houston St., 2nd fl.
Cost: $15 requested donation/$10 students & unemployed (money should not keep you away!!! Just let us know if you can't afford it!)

Expect the lecture to be full - email info@theidproject.com or call Lila @ 212.254.2130 to make a reservation.

End-of-the-summer de-cluttering - clothing swap

I think it is time for me to do a little house cleaning and get rid of all the clothes I am not wearing very much (if at all) and shoes that I keep hoping will become comfortable and will suddenly fit my fit correctly. I really don't shop much but somehow I have accumulated things in the last year. So I am going to try to head out to the next clothing swap (see below). Maybe I can get some work clothes (something that I usually avoid buying) and other things I am running low on.

Sizzling Summer Swap - Announcing a new Meetup for Five Boroughs Clothing Swap!

When: August 20, 2008 6:00 PM

Where: St. Margaret's House - 49 Fulton St, NY, NY

Meetup Description: End time: 8:00

This swap has an admission fee of $5.00 which is donated to St. Margaret's House, a not for profit residence for seniors and disabled people. A small amount will also be subtracted for the meetup group organizer's fee. Please pay at the door - thanks!

Please feel free to bring any kind of clothing as long as it is clean and undamaged. As a guideline we recommend you bring items you would be proud to give a friend. You may also bring non-clothing items to this swap. All leftovers will be donated to the thrift shop at St. Margaret's House.

For newbies: When you arrive please check in, pay the entrance fee, put out your offerings in the appropriate areas indicated by the signs. and have at it! You can bring as little or as much as you want and take as little or as much as you like.

Subways to St. Margaret's House: A,C,2,3,4,5,J,M,Z to Fulton Street or Broadway/Nassau. Exit the subway at Fulton Street and Walk towards the water, pass Associated Foods, Burger King, Foot Locker, Dunkin Doughnuts, Duane Reade until you come to the corner of Fulton and Pearl. The swap will be held in the wing which is directly to your left as you enter the front doors.

Light refreshments will be served, music will be played, clothing will be swapped and a grand time will be had by all. Looking forward to seeing you there!

Learn more here:
http://clothesswap.meetup.com/84/calendar/8443397/

Loren also sent out this reminder:
This is our first "after work hours" swap so I wanted those of you who work a regular business type day to know that it's fine to come anytime between the hours of 6:00 and 8:00. I expect there to be lots of dribbling in as people get off of work at various times so I'm sure there will be plenty swapping still going on at 7:00 and later.

Also, for anyone still with questions about "how this works" it's good to know that you can bring a little and take a lot, or bring a lot and take a little - whatever suits you. Swapping is not a one-to-one barter situation, just a free give and take with no strings attached! Beautimous!

This swap also accepts small, non-clothing items like books and cd's, unused toiletries, small household items, so bring some if you like. I'll also be starting a discussion on the site about what kinds of things people are bringing and what they'd like to find, so if you'd like to share this info with the group that would be great!

FYI: Free Urban Gardening Class Tomorrow

Free urban gardening class
sponsored by Tristate Food Not Lawns

Start: 7:00 pm
End: 8:30 pm
In this class we will go over categories of perennial berries and their planting requirements. Additionally, we'll be exploring in detail the art of mushroom cultivation.
WHERE: 420 E 12th St New York, NY 10009
WHEN: Thursday 8/14, 7pm
WHO: Ke Xu (Suburban Backyard Gardener)
Adam Horwitch (Rooftop Gardener)
COST: Free to attend. Optional Fee of up to 5 dollars.

How to have a Voluntary Simplicity Wedding

I can't believe that summer is coming to a close. September is just around the corner. In an effort to get thing going again, my goal is to start posting on a regular basis. While there have been few posts over the summer break, it doesn't mean there hasn't been a lot going on!

My fiancé and I are in the process of planning our wedding. I initially was opposed to having a wedding because I felt like it was a big waste of money. For most of my life I have said that I didn't see the need to have a wedding - I have never wanted to be a princess or have my "one perfect day." I think it is the marriage that is important, not the wedding. But my fiancé takes a different approach - he finds rituals and tradition to be important. He also loves to have an excuse to throw a party and see all of his friends.

Over the last year, I have really started to understand this approach more. I went to my fiancé's sister's wedding last summer and realized how rare of an opportunity it was to have all of one's family and friends in the same place at one time. It was a great way for everyone to catch up and spend time together, as well as welcome new people into their lives.

So I agreed to have a wedding and in the process of planning it, I have gotten very excited about it. Not about a big white puffy dress or having my hair done or getting presents - none of that is important - but instead, I can't wait for my friends from different sides of the US to come together and meet for the first time. I am excited to show people where I grew up and experience all the things that Michigan has to offer.

In the choices that my fiancé and I make, we hope to bring our values into our wedding. We aren't spending ridiculous amounts of money on unimportant things that no one will remember. Instead we are trying to make our wedding fun for us and our guests. We want our wedding to reflect who we are as individuals and as a couple. For example, one of our favorite activities together is going wine tasting at local wineries. So we are having all local Michigan wines. Also, in lieu of traditional gifts (aka Crate & Barrel), we are asking our guests to make donations in our name to one of our yet-to-be-decided favorite causes (sort of fun) or they can bring one or two of their favorite wines and having them write in our homemade "wine book" explaining why they brought those wines (more fun).

I would love to hear ideas from other people about how to have a "voluntary simplicity" wedding!